December 21, 2006
My Epiphany: A Letter To The Hell Inside Me
You know how I know the devil is real? Not the red dude with the pitchfork. I mean the true embodiment of evil. The aura that's dedicated to destroying anything that brings you joy and love.
Clear your mind. Think about how many times you get a moment of clarity, or you feel like you can do anything and make anything happen with the sheer power of your will and the love that strengthens you. Think about the moments in your life when you think. "Everything's working out."
And then... just at the right moment... that pivotal moment when your turn your back and let your guard down, you get struck from behind. Blindsided... hit with precision in the one place you're vulnerable. That one place that's your foundation.
You're hit. You stumble. You're disoriented. You can't think. And just when you think you can't take anymore, he brings it again. Stompin' a mud-hole in you. Making your squirm because you got a pit in your stomach.. or a rage that keeps you from thinking straight. You feel the pain and anger so you lash out. You attack the people and the things that you feel are attacking you.
But it's a lie. It's a ploy.. a misdirection... He uses lies to the tell the truth. He twists words and moments to make you do his bidding.
For those who don't know. It's called "Tests of the Heart". "Tests of Faith". I'm not speaking as a religious person. I'm spiritual in the sense that i believe in the power of good and evil. But i don't carry a Bible. But I do know... DO KNOW without a shadow of a doubt that the devil is real. He doesn't walk the Earth.
He flows through the Earth.
Lives in it.
Lives in us.
Surrounding us just waiting for the 'cracks' in our armor to weave his deceit and lies.
I'm a victim. I see it. I feel it. It's inside me. Sprouting up in any and all directions... and any idea of escape and rest just leads deeper into the void.
And that's good.
Let him.
Bring it on, Bitch!
You've sucker punched me more times than I can count. And I've faltered on many occasions when I should'a stood tall. But I won't die. I won't give up. I look forward to your next blow, so i can stand back up and spit in your f%^#^ face. There are things in this world that are trying to break my ties of Love and that sh!t's not gonna happen.
Bring in on. Knock me down. Stand over me and laugh. That's cool. Handle your business. But me and mine? We're gonna stand again. I got almost 3 years of the greatest love that's gonna bring me back from the brink. no doubt.
You know how I know the God is real?
One word: Love.
As powerful as the Devil is, he can't extinguish Love. He can draw your attention from it. He can cloud it from you, and can keep you off-balance so you forget to focus on it. But he can NEVER kill it. It becomes a beacon. That lighthouse in the mist that you have to go to. I see that light. I wake up to it every morning. It's my strength. It's my joy. It's the one thing in this world that I'd stand against an army of millions to keep as mine and she'd do the same.
So bring it on. Gimme your best shot. I know you're out there. I know you laughing right now; plotting your next three moves on the chessboard. But it doesn't matter. None of it does now. I'm getting my strength back. I got people out there who (without even knowing it) picked me up and given me strength my example. I feel the Love. It's pointing me in the right direction. I've taken your best so far. And I'll take whatever you bring me.
In the end, I'll stand. The playing field may be different. The players may change, but I'll still stand. I have no other choice.
I'm Todd, muthaf*cka. Didn't you know?
Posted by toddkelley at December 21, 2006 09:09 AM
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Posted by: Nikki ![[TypeKey Profile Page]](http://www.toddkelley.net/nav-commenters.gif)
at January 3, 2007 10:06 PM